The election I lost

I have tried and tried to figure out what it must feel like to be Hillary Clinton, waiting for the dawn of this Inauguration Day. I will never fully be able to understand what it feels like to come that close to our highest, hardest glass ceiling and be viscerally reminded that our nation is not ready. I am trying to remind myself that our kids are ready. They do not understand why their leaders do not see that the world has already changed.

On the eve of Inauguration Day 2017, I want to tell the story of the election I lost.

 

This is not a story I tell very often.

 

It is long, and it is complicated, and it is fiercely personal in the way that only a campaign can be. An election campaign turns a candidate from a private figure into a public figure. For a first timer, the loss of privacy is jarring. For a first timer who had always chosen to remain on the press side of the press / government divide, the idea that my name, photo, and platform were to appear on the newspaper’s front page seemed like an absurdity.

 

I had always conceptualized the press as a behind-the-scenes role. One of my best friends, a fellow Tar Heel who I met in a seminar course on chaos theory our freshman year, had taken the opposite track. She served on Honor Court for years and then ran for Student Body President as an outsider, staffing her campaign with fellow intellectuals, most of whom had more or less avoided the Student Government scene while at Carolina, preferring to spend their time working for student-run nonprofits or think tanks rather than serving in Student Congress or the Executive Branch. She had to attend endless campaign forums, hosted by any student group with enough clout to demand an appearance from presidential candidates. I had to do one press conference (for the aforementioned front page printing of my platform). I remember it as one of the most awkward experiences of my life.

 

The Daily Tar Heel limited its Editor-in-Chief candidates to an 800-word platform. I remember this word limit because I stuck to it. My opponent did not.

Continue reading “The election I lost”

What We Talk About When We Talk About War

Some days I think all I have to do as a teacher is just get out of the way. Shine enough light into the darkness that kids can see their own brilliance. Or maybe tell enough truth about the world that students can see the darkness, and that’s when they discover their own inner light.

I’ve been struggling with this pervasive sense – on social media, in the mainstream media, in pop culture, in everyday discussions – that our country is at war with itself. Trump’s election win seems to be the culmination of a host of unsettling, depressing trends that have stoked fear, anger and anxiety. Those trends include (but are certainly not limited to):

 

-Hyperpolarization fueled by filtered news feeds and the rise of fake news

 

-Increasingly antagonistic partisan politics and the collapse of bipartisan political efforts (which fuels a collapse in our collective faith in the effectiveness of government institutions)

 

-Identity politics that sow divisiveness and reject unity / identity politics that raise issues Americans aren’t ready or willing to accept as reality and honestly discuss (the perception of that issue pretty much breaks down along party lines)

Continue reading “What We Talk About When We Talk About War”

War Reporting

Written for Rattle’s Poets Respond series

Rattle’s Poets Respond is an attempt to return poetry to its storytelling roots by providing a space for poets to respond to current events in near real time. I submitted this piece in response to the reports of Aleppo’s fall. This poem owes a huge debt to the reporters who inspired it, in particular this report Bilal Abdul Kareem filed for Al Jazeera.

Click here to read the poem.

In Honor of My Favorite Nasty Woman

To the highest, hardest glass ceiling – and those who cracked it

The poem below is an experiment in persona poetry. I love reading persona poetry (and using it to teach students about point of view), but sometimes I find writing persona poetry to be problematic. I think that’s because I’ve put so much time into reminding myself that we all have our own filters and therefore it’s nearly impossible to truly know another’s mind; writing in someone else’s voice can feel presumptuous. However, it is an excellent way to build empathy. Consider the following a paean  crossed with an elegy (although I’m reluctant to use that latter word, knowing her work is far from over).

 

Chelsea Clinton, on my mother

 

Remember that

     She sheltered me

And so did my father

When I was a kid

And they wanted me to be free

To be a kid,

Regardless of the color of my house

Continue reading “In Honor of My Favorite Nasty Woman”

Dear Michelle Obama

You said, “When they go low, we go high.”

I’ve been trying.

It’s just really hard for me to stay neutral in this election.

I could teach an entire class on understatement with just that sentence.

This year, the politics are personal.

I can’t listen to a presidential candidate call for a ban on all Muslims, knowing I went to Prom with a Muslim from Pakistan.

I can’t listen to a candidate call Mexicans rapists, knowing all the times my students have been ecstatic to go home to visit Mexico.

I can’t listen to a candidate call immigrants criminals, knowing how many times I’ve seen a student break down because they can’t afford college without papers.

I can’t listen to a candidate call sexual assault “locker room talk,” when I know 1 in 4 college-age women in this country have been sexually assaulted. I teach high school. Sometimes I can hear that clock ticking. Sometimes it feels like a bomb is about to go off.

Continue reading “Dear Michelle Obama”

No, I’m not surprised. I am angry.

I have been trying all day not to write a rant.

 

I tried to channel my inner “Whoa. OK” Hillary shoulder shimmy. That just made me angry that Hillary has to make her well-earned exasperation cute in order to appear “likeable.”

 

I listened to Hillary quote Michelle and thought, “When they go low, we go high.” That seems like valid life advice – after all, if there’s one person whose steely grace I’d like to epitomize, it’s Michelle.

 

Then I listened to the debate.

 

I listened to a journalist clearly define sexual assault and a presidential candidate dismiss it as “locker room talk.”

 

I thought about what “locker room talk” means to me. I grew up with Title IX. For me, a locker room is where I learned from female teammates how to be strong. Where I learned what being a captain means. Where I learned the line between celebration and consolation is perilously thin.

 

Locker rooms were a safe place for me. The talk that happened there felt empowering.

 

That’s not the kind of “locker room talk” Trump meant.

Continue reading “No, I’m not surprised. I am angry.”

Classroom Talk

Today I stood up in front of my classroom and said the police should not kill black people.

We’d just watched a video in which a man is called a “big, bad dude” for walking down the street with his hands in the air.

I told my class that I was raised to trust cops. That I expect cops to trust me. That I know that’s not everyone’s reality.

The reality is it’s been five years since I’ve been in Tulsa. It’s been five months since the last time the Tulsa police faced heat for killing an innocent man.

My San Jose kids don’t know anything about Tulsa. They think it’s in Texas. But they know something about the endless string of headlines and hashtags that have come to dominate our national conversation.

Except when they don’t. Not everyone talks about it. So today we talked about it.

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Advice

Tomorrow’s the first day of school – a new year, a new team, and new courses are all in store for me. In preparation, I’ve been thinking about one of the questions we used during our team building exercises: What advice do you wish you’d been given as teenager? Here’s my attempt at an answer:

 

I wish someone had told me that I’d always feel I have something to prove. That having a chip on your shoulder makes it even more important to seek balance. That sometimes the world throws you off-kilter, and that chip is the only effective counterweight.

 

I wish someone had told me that I’d never be comfortable being on top. That restlessness is both a blessing and a curse.

 

I wish I’d been told that life isn’t linear. That the danger of singular pursuit of goals is that your goals become singular. The higher you climb, the steeper the ground beneath you becomes – until you find yourself at a precipice, with only a binary choice: Jump or Back Down.

 

I wish someone had told me that it’s OK to retreat and lick your wounds. That sometimes that’s the only way to get clean.

 

I wish I’d been told that you don’t have to like yourself to love yourself. That it’s possible to acknowledge your own weaknesses, to recognize the ways in which you’ve engendered hurt – and still approach yourself with forgiveness and compassion.

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Orlando

Only when I’m dancing do I feel this free …

 

This one’s for the girls

Fierce

Fabulous

And forgotten

 

By those who think it takes royal blood to be a Queen

Those who don’t understand that true Pride is earned

Through jeers and judgment

 

This is for those whose love is a battlefield

And those who were there

When the beats turned to bullets

 

This is for those who are always on point

Those who slay

 

We want to remember you that way

Free

From the hatred and the fear

Still dancing

 

Lessons

This is the year I learned that listening and hearing are two different things.

The year I realized how difficult it is to decide when context matters.

The year I learned there can be value in a one-way conversation, provided it’s honest enough.

 

This is the year I learned that not wanting to hurt people means swallowing a lot of truth.

Truth gives you heartburn.

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